remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
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