I hate your face
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
