i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
