i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
