My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Randomize
