hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
