could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
