I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
