I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
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