soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
