direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
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