Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
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