I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
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Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
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Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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