I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Randomize