I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
