We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
