Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Randomize
