Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
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