Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Threesome in a minivan. New low
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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