Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
