I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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