He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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