So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
