pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
