Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
