happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
