So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
