how hairy? two words: wookie tits
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
