Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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