don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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