just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
