that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
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