my soul wont recognize me after tonight
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
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