remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
