A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
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i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
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I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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