what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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