i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
