I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Randomize
