She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
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I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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