no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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