I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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