i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
