they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
