Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
