Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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