Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize