Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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