Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
