he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
