so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
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