What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
COCAINE IS GR8
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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