As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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