Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
