Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
