His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
