I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
