fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
