So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Randomize
