I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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