Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
She announced her abortion via fbk
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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