he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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