I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
