I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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