Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
