I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
