I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
