two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
